Monday, April 28, 2008

Home again

Another week has passed and we are finally home, at least for a few weeks. This past weekend we went through dad's things and started moving things out of his house. It was way more emotionally difficult than I thought it would be. I had thought I was doing better, that is until we started clearing things out of his house. Then the emotions all flooded back in!

We are back home again and trying to get back to some semblance of a normal life. Time to get back to work and go on living. I keep hearing my dad saying "it's time to move on". I know he wouldn't want me to sit around missing him and crying over him, but somehow that doesn't help much. However, I know that moving on is what I have to do in order to get past my grief. Life does go on and I'm ready to get back to my life now. Sometimes I wish I could just forget that my dad is gone. I know that will never happen.

I'm sure everyone is getting sick of hearing me talk about it. Thank you to everyone who has left me a comment or emailed me with condolences. It really means a lot to know people are thinking about me. I will eventually post more about it but for now it's time to move on.....I know, dad, I know, I should have moved on already!

So much of my work has backed up on me while I've been floating around the past 3 weeks. I am very ready to get back to painting everyday! Plus there is a grand opening of Chroma Studios to get busy planning.

Thanks again to everyone for all their love, support and good wishes the past few weeks. I love you all!

4 comments:

cynthia said...

I don't think you can put a time limit on grieving Paula - certainly the passage of time will help lessen the pain and help you hold onto the good memories. I'm sending you hugs....

Sus said...

Girlfriend....listen to Cynthia. There is NO right or wrong way to grieve. My mom and middle-oldest brother tried to lay that guilt on me after my dad died simply cause they didn't like how I dealt with it.

I still have moments, almost 10yrs later, where I suddenly get weepy and cry my lungs out...it may of been a sign for golf (he was a golfer) or watching a horror movie and remembering how he'd like to scare us kids.

And yes those moments have gotten fewer and far between as the years have gone by but it never really goes away and that's ok because it just means you love him and always will. That's all that matters and I bet your dad would be happy to know that 10, 20, 30 years later you still miss him.

So allow yourself to cry, scream, laugh, throw a pillow across the room :)

Artyfax said...

Sorry to hear about your sad loss, and it is certainly true that such an event affects everybody in different ways- we are all individuals. I lost my parents quite some time ago but as the above letter says, sometimes any little thing can bring back a memory and the pain. Life will go on and the pain will lessen but that doesn't mean that you forget.
John

Paula Manning-Lewis said...

Thank you all for your comments. I just have no idea how this grieving thing works. This is the first time I've lost someone really close to me. Some days everything is fine and I almost feel normal again, other days I wake up crying and it doesn't get any easier. Some mornings I wake up feel like it was all a bad dream. Then reality hits.

Thanks again for your comments, they mean alot to me.