I have been very busy lately, as you can see. There are many more new images to come. I still need to finish one and download photos of other new pieces.

I have come to realize that I am knee deep in a transition phase of my art. I no longer have much urge to paint anything realistic. I hope I don't lose collectors with this transition. Although I know I will gain new ones. I hope everyone will understand that this is the progression of an artist's life. I have to admit I am a little afraid to go through with it. It is easier to stay in my old rut. The problem is that I have no control over what comes out when I sit down to paint. I cannot hold back any longer. I need to paint what is inside me. Don't ask me to explain this new work, I haven't figured it out yet. I will continue to post more as I discover what drives this new direction. I do know this much, all my life I have struggled with "what" to paint. I have drawn and painted what other people have suggested, what interests me, and all of the traditional subjects of artists throughout the ages. Has this really been me? At different periods of my life, I suppose it was me in that moment. So this is me at THIS moment. What I find a little ironic is that I started out thinking abstract was stupid (I was the young, stupid one) and now I believe that abstract art is the absolute essence of an artist's soul. I guess it's not necessarily ironic just the ignorance of youth replaced with the experience of an older artist.

Feeling much better today

It is the beginning of a new week and I'm feeling much more optimistic about life in general. Went for a walk yesterday with Aaron. It was finally a nice enough day to enjoy a walk down to the river. It has been way too long. I needed the fresh air and sunshine more than I realized. I HATE winter! I cannot wait for spring to get here.

I may continue the 1995 story later today. Until then, enjoy your day!

Putting off work again

Today is just a bad day. The weather outside is cold and cloudy, not that it matters since I'm sitting inside the shop and there are no windows in here. Maybe I'm just having a pity party. Either way, I cannot wait for spring to get here. I have been cold for months and I cannot get warm no matter what I do. I know, it's not that cold in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It's all relative, isn't it?

Having a hard time making myself work. Don't feel like it at all. I guess I'm getting tired of working every weekend. I don't know how much longer the retail experiment will last. It's hard to be "on" all the time. Besides, I've always been a recluse. Even I have to get out and about every once in awhile.

I should be finishing up my art story.....but that seems too much like work right now. There are always a million and one things to do, but it's been one of those weeks when nothing seems to be going right and I just feel down in the dumps.

At least my shop partners have their laptop down here so I can play the avoidance game and kill time. Not much to say, guess I'd better get back to work. Darn....why do I always have to be so responsible????!!!

What I really need right now is some encouragement....anyone out there? Do a girl a favor and leave me a positive comment so I can break out of this funk! I know, I'm leaving myself wide open with that request....should be fun!!!

Art Story: 1995; The First Half!

OK, so I've decided to just dive into 1995! Once you read this part of the story, I hope you will understand why it's taken me so long to write it! I'm going to take it a little at a time. Small chunks, right? So, here is the first half of the year;

1995;
This year started off good for my art business, or at least that was my impression at the time. In February, I moved the shop location again. This time into a store front building owned by my stepdad. The plan was to open a store front and also offer custom framing services. The business name stayed the same; Paula Beck Prints. My hope was that the frame shop would bring in enough business that my husband wouldn't have to travel the road anymore for sales. This was my last ditch effort to save my family. I knew it wouldn't last if he continued to go out on the road. Deep down I also knew he would never give it up. He was having way too much fun staying in hotels, eating in restaurants and being AWAY from me and the kids.

I didn't complete much artwork during the first half of 1995. Four more pottery drawings were all I finished during this time. The two Mata Ortiz (Casas Grandes) drawings, a Mimbres pottery design and a Chaco pottery mug in the black on white style.

Most of my time was spent painting the walls of my new shop. I painted a southwest border design all around the top of the store and on all my wall mounted print bins that surrounded the perimeter of the store. I was also busy supervising two employees who cut mats and put together all the prints for sale.

March 17th was the day I made a final decision to leave my husband. He had been on the road as usual, so I made plans to go out with a girlfriend for St. Patrick's day. I guess he didn't like that idea because he came home that evening and found me dancing with my group of girlfriends at a local club. For some reason he thought I was flirting with a guy (projection of his own guilt perhaps?) and started a huge fight that lasted until the next morning. He broke my nose with his elbow while we were driving home and I decided then that this would be the last time I would take his abuse!
My biggest problem was feeling like there was nothing I could do. How would I possibly be able to support three boys by myself? I knew that if I left I would never get any help from him, court ordered or otherwise. After trying to come up with a plan for my escape for over a month, I finally broke down and asked my mom for help. I knew he wouldn't let me leave easily so it took some planning ahead of time. I had told him that I wanted to leave before and he had taken my car keys and money from me, forcefully of course. I knew I would have to leave while he was gone on the road. This also meant I had to pretend like everything was great so he wouldn't leave me stranded with no money or car. It had gotten to the point where I had to have one of my employees come pick me up if I wanted to go to the shop while he was out of town.
So, finally on June 7th, my stepdad came over to the house with a couple of his workers and helped me move all my things out of the house. My husband had left on the road the night before. We ended up in a fight before he left and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told him that I was planning to leave him the next day and there was nothing he could do to change that. He played the hurt husband, crying and threatening to kill himself. Finally, he said he would disappear and the boys would never see him again and then left. I could only hope to never see him again, but I knew that was just an empty threat. Anyway, I moved all of my things out and into storage. I then moved with my three boys into my mom and stepdad home. I was so greatful for the help it didn't even occur to me that there would be strings attached for their help......

So, this is the first part of 1995, I will try to continue with the story tomorrow. If you think this was the hard part of the year.....this was only the beginning of my trials and tribulations in 1995. Check back to read the continuation!

Read the previous years of my art story:

1994

1993

1992

1991

Next up: 1995; The Second Half

Not enough time!

Man, am I busy! I shouldn't complain, I know, but I don't know how I can possibly get everything done! January is over and I haven't completed half the things I wanted to do.
I'm beginning to wonder if maybe my expectations are too high?! Possibly I have too much on my plate? I have always had a hard time saying no. In my perfectionist mind however, I should be able to do it all! Why not? Because I'm only human for crying out loud! So, my goal for today...after getting orders shipped and going to the shop....is to prioritize my mile long list of things to do. I'm feeling a little unorganized and I KNOW this is my biggest problem.

Any suggestions?????