Monday, January 09, 2006

Art Story: 1993

Sorry about the long wait, but finally, here is the 1993 part of my art story.

Back home in New Mexico for almost half a year by this time. I spent time drawing whenever I could. My husband quit his job by February and was back on the road selling my prints. We rented a shop space for a couple months but had to give it up because we couldn't afford the rent.

1993 saw the addition of several more drawings. 'Buying Too Choos', 'Collecting Cow Chips', 'Zuni Governor', 'Zuni Woman', 'Eagle Dancers', 'Apache Man', 'Apache Woman', 'Scout', and 'Kiowa Boy' were all done in this year.

I spent the majority of the year at home with my boys. I watched A LOT of TV and tried to lose the weight gained during my third pregnancy. We stayed in the small trailer that we had moved into upon our return to N.M. When my husband was gone on the road, we were basically stranded at home since we lived so far out of town. This made me feel very isolated, which was my husband's goal. He was determined to keep me locked away from the world. Occasionally, he would take me along on road trips to meet shop owners. I had the feeling they didn't believe I even existed. He even had me convinced that I could never sell my art if it wasn't for him. Of course he never gave me any information about where sales occurred or how much he really made. I was already very shy and self conscious being overweight. Unfortunately, I believed he was right about my sales ability. Even if I could sell my art, how was I going to go out on the road and leave the kids behind? I fantasized about leaving him but didn't think there was any way I could pull it off. With three young children to support it was nearly impossible in my mind. We fought with more frequency, over many things, but most often the fights were about him staying home and being part of our family. I wanted him to get a steady job with a secure paycheck. It was like he had hijacked MY dream of being an artist and had no dreams of his own. We used to argue over who's idea it was to start the art business in the first place! This had been my dream long before I met him!

At this point, freedom from the oppression of my husband was just a fantasy. I continued to draw subjects "suggested" by my husband, because "they would sell". We struggled to make ends meet while he continued to travel around the southwest, living in hotels and eating in restaurants. Meanwhile, back home, the boys and I lived on bean burritos and ramen noodles and whatever they gave us at the food bank.

To read previous years of my Art Story, follow these links;
1991, and 1992

Next up, 1994.

1 comment:

Alyson Stanfield said...

Wow. What a story. I can't wait to hear more.
As a reader, I would like to read the earlier posts about your art story, but don't have time to wade through and find them. Just an idea that you might want to provide a link to previous years when you post a new year.

Glad you're thriving!