Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Rough Day

I'm having a rough day today. Hard to concentrate on work. I don't really like to write too much about my private life on here, but at this point, I need to get it out!

My 16 year old son is making our families' life hell. We have made the decision to send him back to live with his dad. This decision is based on the fact that his dad seems to have power over him, because when he has lived there in the past, his grades were great! He behaved himself. He did what he needed to do. This is a boy who has never done well living with me. He was diagnosed ADHD at the age of 5. This was a few months after my divorce from his dad. Looking back now, I think he really missed his dad to be totally honest. I hate to admit that! My ex is not a good person as far as I'm concerned. I mean he's much better than when we were together, but it kills me to know that he just has the magic touch with my middle son.

Without getting into all the details, I think he would be better off in the long run. This is really hard for me to admit! I feel like a failure as a parent! Which is also hard, because I know I'm a good parent, but.......and the doubt creeps back in. Being a parent is so damned difficult! I have so much more respect for my parents now. Why is 16 such an awful age??? It was awful for me, my oldest son and now the middle one. I hope the youngest will spare us!

I am trying to work on my latest large canvas right now, having a little luck, but I can't stop thinking about the problems with my son. I love him soooooo much, it's killing me! I guess I should get back to painting, hopefully get into the zone and forget about these problems for a little while! :)


Jessica Torrant said...

Hi there, it's your fellow nature loving, artist, blogging friend, Jess, and I am SO not an expert on this, but I happened to come upon your post tonight, and thought I'd give you a little cyber hug. You are doing the best you can, loving him, and looking out for his best interest. If this is what you feel is right for him, it probably is, and he'll thank you for it. As long as your heart and intentions are true (and I know they are) he will KNOW that and current tensions will all blow away once those hormones settle down a bit! You're doing great just as you are... this I know is true.

Paula Manning-Lewis said...

thanks so much Jess, at this point, I need all the hugs I can get. We have ended up giving him one last chance. He had to write and sign a contract saying that if he doesn't do what he needs to do, he's going to his dad's.

I just hope he takes it seriously!

Cynthia said...


I can only imagine how you feel right now. I don't know you well, but from I have read and seen, I think I know that you are a good mom and are doing the best you can. At 16, my head was spinning around like Linda Blair while I spewed crazy talk. I think a part of it is his age.

I can tell you when I was young, my parents were divorced early in my life (I was 11) and I chose to live with my father. My mom let me go, but parted with, "I hope you never know what it feels like for a child to reject you." Here's the thing, I wasn't rejecting her, I was chosing the situation that was best for me at the time. I love my mom and we are now very very close.

Sometimes a little distance helps everyone. I am sorry that you are going through this!

Paula Manning-Lewis said...


Thanks so much for your comment. I know I'm just getting my payback for being such an unruly teenager! I like how you put it "my head was spinning around like Linda Blair while I spewed crazy talk". I was about the same, if not worse! At 16, I had a baby and got married!!!!
My parents also divorced (when I was 13), and I ended up living with my dad as well while I was a teenager. Mainly because he wasn't as strict as my mom. I used to have a lot of issues with my mom, but now we get along fine and I love her very much! I put her through a bunch of hell (my dad too) and so I have a lot of respect for them now! 16 really is a hellacious age! We went through similar problems with my oldest son, only he chose to go live with his dad at 16. This one doesn't want to live with his dad, but he may have no choice if he doesn't straighten up. We don't know what to do with him anymore!

Thanks again for the cyber hugs!

Mary said...

Paula, the only thing I can tell you is that 16 in a son is the worst age of all, I have three sons, much older but I know what you are going through and the middle one is, for some reason, the hardest to manage. You are a good parent and that is why it is so difficult and why he gets along with dad now, but he will appreciate it in the future and love you for being what you are and doing what you think is right. Hugs!

Paula Manning-Lewis said...

Thanks Mary! I'm now convinced that 16 is the worst age! It was the same with my oldest son. Thanks so much for your encouraging words, I really appreciate your comments.


shoozles said...

Oh Paula, I am sorry you have had a bad time. Being a parent is the hardest Job you'll ever love and some days you don't love it so much. If it makes you feel better at all. I have 3 children and the are all 11 and I raise them the same and treat them as equal as I can and some are just harder than others it is not a failing as a parent it is the way they are made up. My Husband is an adult with ADHD and I have a son with it, these characters are hard to manage no matter how much ya love them.

I hope things are better soon and his contract is taken seriously, but letting go may be the best thing.
Big hug!