busy, busy, busy!

Sorry about the gap in postings. I am trying to keep my posting to at least two per week. Not always as easy as it seems. I'm up to my neck in office/computer work this week. Trying to get caught up with website updates and eBay store listings. The whole idea of doing it all myself is getting really old! The problem is, as always, having the money to pay someone else to do things for me. I guess until I win the lottery or some such thing, I'm on my own! So, please forgive me if my updates aren't as often as they should be, and my new paintings don't come pouring off the drawing table as much as I would like. I'm a one woman operation here! (Don't even get me started on the fact that I'm trying to work around 2 teenagers who seem to think I am here to be at their beck and call 24/7!)

Up until last week, I was having a very difficult time keeping track of all the tasks I have to do. Until last week, I was struggling to remember what, when, where, etc, etc. So, I spent a majority of last week, cleaning, organizing and making lists. Now I believe I can hold my head above the water and actually feel like I'm making progress. If only I can keep it this way! I still have a ways to go to be totally caught up. Of course, by the time I do get caught up, it will be time for another website update, etc, etc.

Am I whining? I apologize. I truly love my job! (This is where most of my family members say, "You got a job??!!") Perhaps that is part of my problem, I look at my art as a job now. Seriously, I believe it has to be treated as a job or all I would ever do is paint! Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I still have to make a living too. However, when I start getting people signing my guestbook and saying I need to update my site, it's seriously time to get down to business! So, on that note, I'd better get busy!

New Rock Painting

Finished a new painting in my rock series yesterday. This one is called City of the Rocks I. In this painting I decided to try merging my abstract style with my representational rocks. I am happy with the outcome, so I have already started #2. I have missed working on the rock series, so I decided to revisit it. I believe the rocks will become a permanent category of work for me.

Art Story: 1996

This was a year of new beginnings. Most of the year I walked around in a daze feeling like I was living in a dream. I had never been so happy in my adult life. I had found my soul mate in Aaron. Every morning when I awoke I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Just about every night I had nightmares about my first marriage.

My art business, on the other hand, was in complete shambles. I continued painting, completing La Cueva, Montezuma and Rebirth by May. My step dad held on to all of my artwork; prints and originals, mat cutters and other equipment. Rather than let it get me down, I decided to start over, what else could I do? There really was no choice.

Aaron had already decided prior to our moving in with him that he wanted to leave Las Cruces. He was looking for a University that had a better music program than NMSU. After all the terrible things that had happened to me there in Las Cruces, I decided that the boys and I would follow Aaron wherever he decided to go. We decided on Fort Collins, Colorado because of the Guitar professor and started to plan our escape from southern New Mexico.

So, after Aaron finished the spring semester at NMSU, we packed our things into a moving truck. June 10, 1996 we left for Colorado. We planned to put our things into a storage unit and camp at a KOA while we searched for a place to rent. Unfortunately, Fort Collins was a very popular destination and we had a difficult time finding a place. With a dog and three kids, no one wanted to rent to us. After three weeks of searching with no luck, we were extremely discouraged. Aaron and I both had jobs, but still, no one would rent to us. I found a job right away at a frame shop that had bought prints from me the summer before. Aaron found work as the music guy at the local pawn shop.

We finally decided to return to New Mexico and even reserved a moving truck to take us back the following day. Talking to the owner of the KOA about our situation, we found out he had a 2 bedroom duplex for rent. He said we could move in right away! Apparently, we were meant to be there! We moved in and lived out the rest of 1996 with no problems. While the 2 bedrooms made for very cramped quarters with the three boys sharing one room, we were happy just to be there and be together!

Read previous years by following these links;

1995; Second half

1995; First half

1994

1993

1992

1991

At the Library

I'm taking somewhat of a field trip today. I needed to take a trip to the library anyway to pick up and drop off books. So, I decided to bring along the laptop and make a day of it. With my middle son home this week(I'd rather not talk about why), I needed to get away from the house for some good old peace and quiet. What better place than the library right? Wrong! The trip downtown was ok, I rode the city Rapid Ride bus to get down here, enjoying the beautiful weather and the walk through downtown. The first place I chose to sit in the library, there's a homeless guy sitting behind me, quiet at first, then he starts to hum! So I wait for a little while thinking maybe he'll stop. He didn't! So now I'm on the other side of the building. It's better here.

I think what I really need is some time to myself in a far away, secluded location. Preferably in the mountains with a running brook and chirping birds! If only! I guess I can go there in my mind if nothing else!

I'm currently working on my next painting in the rock series. It is a scene of rocks from a great little New Mexico state park called "City of Rocks". I wrote about our visit in my last post. I have decided to mix my landscapes with my abstracts and incorporate some of the line designs into the rocks. I'm excited about the direction my art is heading. Although I must admit I'm a little apprehensive about the change. I want people to like it, but more and more I know it should not matter. What does matter however, is that my art is continuing to grow and will never be boring or stagnant. I would rather stop creating all together than to keep painting the same thing over and over again. I seriously don't understand how some artists do that. My problem with that is there are so many things out there to paint, why get stuck doing the same thing all the time?

Home again!

Well, it's now official, I'm working from my home studio again. Only now, it's a new studio! My wonderful husband built our back porch into a new sunroom for me. These photos are taken before the sun hits it. Also, I have only moved in some furniture. I will post more photos once I get everything in and set up. That's the goal for today. I can hardly wait to get back to painting.

It's been over a week since I worked on anything. I have some new rock reference photos from the City of Rocks in southern New Mexico. City of Rocks is a very cool state park near Deming. Aaron and I visited there last week while Aaron was on spring break. My family used to camp there when I was a kid and it had been over 20 years since I had seen it. Isn't it funny how things look so much smaller when you go back to a place you haven't been since childhood?! The rocks are still as awesome as I remember them, only smaller!

I am also currently working on continuing my Art Story. It should flow a little easier now that I'm through the hard part. Until then, I'm off to work!

Working at home again

I've now officially given up the retail shop experiment. Last week my husband enclosed our back patio for my new home studio. I will post photos once I get moved in and set up.


This past Saturday was the first gallery opening I've had in over a year! I have a few pieces in a small works group show at Third Moon Gallery in Corrales, NM. The photos posted here are from the opening. If you are in the area, please go check out the Third Moon Gallery. It's a wonderful space in Corrales, for those who don't know, Corrales is just north of Albuquerque, in the Rio Grande Valley. They have some great contemporary art and Carol Klimek, owner/artist, is a lovely lady!

Art Story: 1995; The Second Half!

First of all, thank you to all the people who have emailed me to comment on my Art Story! The response has been wonderful! Now, for all of you on the edge of your seat waiting for the rest of the story.....

While I was finally free from my husband, little did I know the troubles to come.

I lived with my mom and stepdad for a month and a half all the while with my stepdad shadowing my every move. At first, I didn't mind because I was afraid to be alone. Even though I had a restraining order against my ex, he continued to show up at the bar across the street from my shop and tried to call me on a regular basis. After a month or so, it became evident that my stepdad wanted to be more than just protection from the ex. But I will come back to that part of the story in a bit.

About a week or two after I left my husband, I was contacted by a couple in Arizona who claimed that the ex had taken $2,000 from them for a order of prints from another artist. They were threatening legal action against both of us! Apparently, he had taken the money from them not even a week before I left him.

At the time, my stepdad and I were making trips out on the road to visit some of the shops that sold my prints. I wanted to make sure everyone knew that my ex was no longer my sales rep. So on one of our trips we made a stop to visit the people who had contacted me. I let them know that I had no knowledge of their order or for that matter, had nothing to do with the other artist my ex was now representing. They were very nice people and seemed to understand my situation and with my promise to help in any way I could, they said they would drop the charges against me.

While on the road, I came across several other business owners who said the ex owed them money and/or artwork. It seems that as soon as I told my ex I wanted to leave him the year before, he began sabotaging my business by taking orders for my prints and never delivering the orders. In addition to this he had started selling the prints of another artist in place of my prints. After a couple of trips on the road it became very clear that I no longer had a business! I made little to no sales on those trips and soon realized I would have to get a job to support my boys.

My stepdad had been pouring money into my business and helping me get set up with a place to live. He spent close to $20,000 and told me not to worry about paying him back until I got back on my feet. Stupid me, I believed him! When he purchased a mobile home and set it up down the street from his house for me and the boys to live in, I thought he was being kind and generous. That is, until he started giving me "rules" to live by. He hired a nanny to stay with the boys during the day and would pick me up every morning to take me to work. His construction company shop was in the back of the building where my shop was at the time. So, this arrangement seemed convenient enough.

The most important rule was that I was not to date or have a boyfriend. He said it was because I needed time to be alone and figure out what I wanted for my kids and myself. At first, this made a lot of sense, because I had absolutely no intention of rushing into another relationship. In fact, I said many, many times that I would NEVER marry again.(Lesson learned: Never say never!) After a trip or two on the road alone with my stepdad, I was getting a little nervous about all the time he was spending with me while my boys and mom stayed home. Then one day I got a call from my stepsister "warning" me to watch out for her dad because he had sexually molested her as a teenager! She told me not to tell anyone what I had told her. I asked my mom about it to see if it were true and she said "yes, but that's the past and it's over."

Now I was really getting nervous! I started to think about how "supportive, loving and touchy" my stepdad had been towards me since the divorce. He was always there when he thought I could use a hug, etc. The next trip we made, I decided to take my oldest son with us.

Around the time I moved out of my mom and stepdad's house and into my trailer, my brother invited me to go with him, his girlfriend and another mutual friend to El Paso for one of his band's gigs. This mutual friend was none other than Aaron Lewis, a former employee of mine and eventually my second husband! That night after the gig, we went to Denny's and sat and talked for hours. Neither my brother nor Aaron had been told the whole story of my divorce and so that night I told them everything that had happened. Aaron had actually allowed my ex to move in with him after I left him, because he had no other place to go. At that time, I had told Aaron that he had made his choice and I didn't want to talk to him again.

By the time we made the trip to El Paso with my brother, Aaron had kicked my ex out of his home and told him he didn't want anything to do with him. So, at this point, Aaron understood why I had been so angry with him for taking in my ex. Aaron and I began to hang out together on a regular basis after that night. He says it was because my house and shop was the only place he could get away from my ex. We had been friends for many years at this point, as Aaron and my brother were good friends and bandmates in high school. He even worked for me in my business for the last year of my marriage, so he was witness to several of our fights.

For a couple months we were "just friends", we spent a lot of time together, spending time with my kids and going on outings, hiking, and even a camping trip with another friend. Looking back now, we were in total denial! We were best friends and neither of us thought anything else about each other. That is until some friends asked why we were "fighting" our feelings and why didn't we just "do it and get it over with"!! At that point we started to discuss having a deeper relationship and it was still many weeks before it moved past that point.

Meanwhile, my stepdad was reading something more than mere friendship into our relationship. He told me one day at work that I had better cut it off with Aaron or he was going to cut me off from his help. I just shrugged it off and said, whatever! At that point there was still nothing more than friendship going on.

A couple of weeks later, once Aaron and I were "officially" an item, I decided that I would go out to look for a job since my art business was basically dead in the water at that point. I went over to my mom's house that morning to type my resume for my job search. My stepdad came into the house and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was going to look for a job so I could start paying him back for his help.

That was when he totally lost it and started yelling at me to "get the f*** out of his house". I was so blown away, I just stood there. He then proceeded to literally pick me up by the back of my pants and carried me to the door. He literally threw me out! I was in shock and very upset, understandably! Not knowing what to do next, I jumped into the car (I had borrowed Aaron's car that morning) and drove over to my brother's house to tell him what had happened. Unfortunately, I woke him up and so he was less than sympathetic to what was going on. So, I left there and headed to my shop so I could get some of my things out before the stepdad got there. Of course, by the time I got there, he was already there, changing the locks on the door. I pushed my way in and was able to get out with a box of prints before he kicked me out there as well. My next stop was at the University to pick up Aaron before I headed back to the trailer to get the boys(they were there with the nanny).

As expected, by the time I got to the trailer with Aaron, my stepdad was already there changing locks again. I was able to pack some clothes for myself and the boys before he got into it with Aaron and wouldn't let me get any more of my things.

So, there I was, homeless with three young boys, with nowhere to go. At first, I went to the home of a close friend and she said I could stay with her. That didn't last long as she had just found out she was pregnant and there were already four people living in their two bedroom apartment. After a couple of days with her, Aaron was the biggest sweetheart and offered us a place to stay with him. Even then, our relationship was very young and we weren't planning on moving in together.

It was a couple of days before my stepdad showed up with all of my personal belongings and dumped them in the middle of the street in front of Aaron's house. He left clothes, furniture, household items, but nowhere to be found was my art work! He hung onto everything I had in my shop. I guess he thought he could sell everything to make his money back. It would be two long years before I saw any of my art; prints, originals, equipment and supplies.

For many months I was very depressed about losing my business. I had worked years to build it and now it was gone. I had absolutely nothing to show for all my years of hard work! Not only that, but when I tried to talk with my mom about the whole situation, she stuck up for my stepdad and absolutely refused to believe that his ultimate goal was to get me into bed with him. This began a two year period when I didn't speak with my mom and thought she had completely abandoned me.

The good news is this is where the bad part of my story ends. October 21, 1995 was a huge turning point in my life, personally and artistically.

Next up; Love can turn things around and make you happy again! 1996!

Read the other parts of the story:

1995; The first half

1994

1993

1992

1991

Signs of Inner Peace

I'm currently working on the second half of my 1995 Art Story, until it's finished, here is a great post I found by an anonymous writer about the symptoms of inner peace. Very contagious condition, PLEASE PASS IT ON!

SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE



Watch for signs of Peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to it and it seems likely that we could find our society experiencing it in epidemic proportions. Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:



1. Tendency to think and act spontaneously, rather than from fear.

2. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

3. Loss of interest in judging other people.

4. Loss of interest in judging self.

5. Loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

6. Loss of interest in conflict.

7. Loss of ability to worry (a very serious symptom).

8. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

9. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and with nature.

10. Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes and from the heart.

11. Increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

12. Increasing susceptibility to Love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.



If you have all or even most of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition may be too far advanced to turn back. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting several of these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk. This condition of Inner Peace is likely will into its infectious stage.

wiped out!

I have been wiped out the past couple of weeks with illness. It started last week with an allergy attack for 3 days, started feeling better on Friday and we made a trip down to Las Cruces and El Paso to visit my dad, brother and sister-in-law. We came home on Sunday and woke up Monday morning to an awful, nasty stomach flu. Aaron and I both were hit with it and today I'm still feeling pretty weak. I'm going stir crazy however, and decided that I'm working today no matter what. I'm still not going down to the shop though, I would hate to pass this nasty sickness on to anyone!

Monday was also my oldest son, Bryan's 20th birthday! Man do I feel old, even though I know I'm not THAT old! It still seems odd to think that it's been 20 years since my adventure in adulthood began! I do have to say how proud I am of him though, going to college, working full time. He's just a good kid! OOPS, he's a good adult! I guess he'll always be a kid to me.

I had hoped to get several new paintings posted last week, illness got in my way, so it will have to wait until I get caught up with everything. So, by next week I plan to have new original listings up on Ebay and here on the blog.

Stay tuned in for more!

I have been very busy lately, as you can see. There are many more new images to come. I still need to finish one and download photos of other new pieces.

I have come to realize that I am knee deep in a transition phase of my art. I no longer have much urge to paint anything realistic. I hope I don't lose collectors with this transition. Although I know I will gain new ones. I hope everyone will understand that this is the progression of an artist's life. I have to admit I am a little afraid to go through with it. It is easier to stay in my old rut. The problem is that I have no control over what comes out when I sit down to paint. I cannot hold back any longer. I need to paint what is inside me. Don't ask me to explain this new work, I haven't figured it out yet. I will continue to post more as I discover what drives this new direction. I do know this much, all my life I have struggled with "what" to paint. I have drawn and painted what other people have suggested, what interests me, and all of the traditional subjects of artists throughout the ages. Has this really been me? At different periods of my life, I suppose it was me in that moment. So this is me at THIS moment. What I find a little ironic is that I started out thinking abstract was stupid (I was the young, stupid one) and now I believe that abstract art is the absolute essence of an artist's soul. I guess it's not necessarily ironic just the ignorance of youth replaced with the experience of an older artist.

Feeling much better today

It is the beginning of a new week and I'm feeling much more optimistic about life in general. Went for a walk yesterday with Aaron. It was finally a nice enough day to enjoy a walk down to the river. It has been way too long. I needed the fresh air and sunshine more than I realized. I HATE winter! I cannot wait for spring to get here.

I may continue the 1995 story later today. Until then, enjoy your day!

Putting off work again

Today is just a bad day. The weather outside is cold and cloudy, not that it matters since I'm sitting inside the shop and there are no windows in here. Maybe I'm just having a pity party. Either way, I cannot wait for spring to get here. I have been cold for months and I cannot get warm no matter what I do. I know, it's not that cold in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It's all relative, isn't it?

Having a hard time making myself work. Don't feel like it at all. I guess I'm getting tired of working every weekend. I don't know how much longer the retail experiment will last. It's hard to be "on" all the time. Besides, I've always been a recluse. Even I have to get out and about every once in awhile.

I should be finishing up my art story.....but that seems too much like work right now. There are always a million and one things to do, but it's been one of those weeks when nothing seems to be going right and I just feel down in the dumps.

At least my shop partners have their laptop down here so I can play the avoidance game and kill time. Not much to say, guess I'd better get back to work. Darn....why do I always have to be so responsible????!!!

What I really need right now is some encouragement....anyone out there? Do a girl a favor and leave me a positive comment so I can break out of this funk! I know, I'm leaving myself wide open with that request....should be fun!!!

Art Story: 1995; The First Half!

OK, so I've decided to just dive into 1995! Once you read this part of the story, I hope you will understand why it's taken me so long to write it! I'm going to take it a little at a time. Small chunks, right? So, here is the first half of the year;

1995;
This year started off good for my art business, or at least that was my impression at the time. In February, I moved the shop location again. This time into a store front building owned by my stepdad. The plan was to open a store front and also offer custom framing services. The business name stayed the same; Paula Beck Prints. My hope was that the frame shop would bring in enough business that my husband wouldn't have to travel the road anymore for sales. This was my last ditch effort to save my family. I knew it wouldn't last if he continued to go out on the road. Deep down I also knew he would never give it up. He was having way too much fun staying in hotels, eating in restaurants and being AWAY from me and the kids.

I didn't complete much artwork during the first half of 1995. Four more pottery drawings were all I finished during this time. The two Mata Ortiz (Casas Grandes) drawings, a Mimbres pottery design and a Chaco pottery mug in the black on white style.

Most of my time was spent painting the walls of my new shop. I painted a southwest border design all around the top of the store and on all my wall mounted print bins that surrounded the perimeter of the store. I was also busy supervising two employees who cut mats and put together all the prints for sale.

March 17th was the day I made a final decision to leave my husband. He had been on the road as usual, so I made plans to go out with a girlfriend for St. Patrick's day. I guess he didn't like that idea because he came home that evening and found me dancing with my group of girlfriends at a local club. For some reason he thought I was flirting with a guy (projection of his own guilt perhaps?) and started a huge fight that lasted until the next morning. He broke my nose with his elbow while we were driving home and I decided then that this would be the last time I would take his abuse!
My biggest problem was feeling like there was nothing I could do. How would I possibly be able to support three boys by myself? I knew that if I left I would never get any help from him, court ordered or otherwise. After trying to come up with a plan for my escape for over a month, I finally broke down and asked my mom for help. I knew he wouldn't let me leave easily so it took some planning ahead of time. I had told him that I wanted to leave before and he had taken my car keys and money from me, forcefully of course. I knew I would have to leave while he was gone on the road. This also meant I had to pretend like everything was great so he wouldn't leave me stranded with no money or car. It had gotten to the point where I had to have one of my employees come pick me up if I wanted to go to the shop while he was out of town.
So, finally on June 7th, my stepdad came over to the house with a couple of his workers and helped me move all my things out of the house. My husband had left on the road the night before. We ended up in a fight before he left and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told him that I was planning to leave him the next day and there was nothing he could do to change that. He played the hurt husband, crying and threatening to kill himself. Finally, he said he would disappear and the boys would never see him again and then left. I could only hope to never see him again, but I knew that was just an empty threat. Anyway, I moved all of my things out and into storage. I then moved with my three boys into my mom and stepdad home. I was so greatful for the help it didn't even occur to me that there would be strings attached for their help......

So, this is the first part of 1995, I will try to continue with the story tomorrow. If you think this was the hard part of the year.....this was only the beginning of my trials and tribulations in 1995. Check back to read the continuation!

Read the previous years of my art story:

1994

1993

1992

1991

Next up: 1995; The Second Half

Not enough time!

Man, am I busy! I shouldn't complain, I know, but I don't know how I can possibly get everything done! January is over and I haven't completed half the things I wanted to do.
I'm beginning to wonder if maybe my expectations are too high?! Possibly I have too much on my plate? I have always had a hard time saying no. In my perfectionist mind however, I should be able to do it all! Why not? Because I'm only human for crying out loud! So, my goal for today...after getting orders shipped and going to the shop....is to prioritize my mile long list of things to do. I'm feeling a little unorganized and I KNOW this is my biggest problem.

Any suggestions?????

The worst and best year of my life

So today I'm trying to psych myself out to work on the next year in my story. 1995 was definitely the worst AND best year of my life. It was a year of major transitions. I've always said I feel like I went through two divorces that year. When you read the story, you'll understand what I mean by that. I think what I may have to do is split the story of 1995 into two sections, the bad and the good. It was bad up to about September/October and good for October through December with a little overlap in the middle of it all.
Reliving my past has been difficult, but it has set me free as well. I finally feel detached from that part of my life. Once I get past 1995, the story should flow. Of course I had good and bad times since '95, but my life was basically stable after that point. Although I was 25 years old in 1995, I see that year as the turning point from childhood to adulthood. I sometimes think I was in some sort of limbo from the ages of 16-25. I was on my own, married with children, but I had no clue what that meant for me. I was merely sleepwalking through my life and now it all seems like a very bad dream. For years after my divorce, I felt like I was in a beautiful dream that I would awake from at any moment. I had nightmares for several years reliving my old life. I would have to pinch myself regularly to make sure my waking life was real. I still feel that happiness in my life everyday, but now it's more real to me and the nightmares are much less frequent. I still haven't come to a point of forgiving the people who have done me wrong in the past. Actually, I shouldn't say that, I have forgiven some of them, including myself.

So, anyway, I apologize for taking so long to get this story out. I thought when I began that it would be easy, boy was I way off!

Art Story: 1994

1994 was a better year, probably the best one I had as an artist to this point. Of course, I found out after my divorce in 1995, that it was only good on the surface.

I had a workshop for my art for most of this year. Starting out in a storage unit in the heat of the summer, we had a portable swamp cooler that we had to haul water to in order to keep cool. If you have never been to Las Cruces in the summer I have to tell you, this is a feat within itself. I believe the record high set that year was 117 degrees Fahrenheit! If I remember correctly, we stayed there only a couple of months.

We then moved the shop into an office building where we shared a space with my brother's heavy metal band! This was also the year we had to hire help to keep up with the demand for my prints. At this point, there were close to 300 shops across the southwest selling my art. My brother started out working for us, but he quickly left for a better paying job and referred his friend, Aaron Lewis, to work for us. I had known Aaron for many years, so we hired him. Later, we hired a couple of other people, all artists, to help with cutting mats and putting prints together.

The shared space in the office building only lasted around a month. I came in one day and found a beer can sitting on my side of the curtain next to some prints and came unglued! I should have known it wouldn't work to share a space with a band, and most importantly, my brother's band (New Mexican Erection). My brother and I ended up in a literal fight because of it and we moved out and into another office building. We stayed there until 1995.

It was about this time that I received a call from one of the store owners who sold my prints in Arizona. It seems that my husband had come on to their daughter and they thought I should know that he was possibly cheating on me while on the road. Of course I confronted him with this accusation and he gave me some lame story about the daughter coming on to him, not the other way around. Needless to say, this is when I seriously started thinking about how I was going to escape.

In November, we finally moved out of the small, isolated little mobile home, into a larger, nicer mobile home that was only 5 miles out of town. At the time, I felt like we had finally made it. I had spent the past 3 years living in a crappy trailer with the air conditioner falling in through the roof. This place even had a washer/dryer hook up! This was the ultimate luxury for me at the time. I was so tired of taking my 15 loads of wash to the Laundromat every week! I know, I sound like I was white trash! My ultimate dream was always to have a house that didn't have wheels underneath it! Even at the time, I knew that would never happen as long as I was married to this guy. His idea of the ultimate home was a double wide trailer on a piece of land. Isn't there a country song about that?

This was also the year that I started working with watercolors. It had been years since I had pulled out the paints and once I started, I was hooked again. I completed all my watercolor pottery paintings in this year. Acoma Jar and Bowl, San Ildefonso Jar and Bowl, Zia Bowl and Zuni Bowl. It was these prints that really made the business take off. These pottery prints are still my most popular to this day. I expect them to be completely sold out by March!

Next up is 1995, probably my toughest year ever; divorce, kicked out on the street, destitute and a sabotaged art career. However, it was also the year I found my soulmate and lived happily ever after!

Jump to previous years:

1991, 1992, 1993

Next up: 1995; The First Half

Art Story: 1993

Sorry about the long wait, but finally, here is the 1993 part of my art story.

Back home in New Mexico for almost half a year by this time. I spent time drawing whenever I could. My husband quit his job by February and was back on the road selling my prints. We rented a shop space for a couple months but had to give it up because we couldn't afford the rent.

1993 saw the addition of several more drawings. 'Buying Too Choos', 'Collecting Cow Chips', 'Zuni Governor', 'Zuni Woman', 'Eagle Dancers', 'Apache Man', 'Apache Woman', 'Scout', and 'Kiowa Boy' were all done in this year.

I spent the majority of the year at home with my boys. I watched A LOT of TV and tried to lose the weight gained during my third pregnancy. We stayed in the small trailer that we had moved into upon our return to N.M. When my husband was gone on the road, we were basically stranded at home since we lived so far out of town. This made me feel very isolated, which was my husband's goal. He was determined to keep me locked away from the world. Occasionally, he would take me along on road trips to meet shop owners. I had the feeling they didn't believe I even existed. He even had me convinced that I could never sell my art if it wasn't for him. Of course he never gave me any information about where sales occurred or how much he really made. I was already very shy and self conscious being overweight. Unfortunately, I believed he was right about my sales ability. Even if I could sell my art, how was I going to go out on the road and leave the kids behind? I fantasized about leaving him but didn't think there was any way I could pull it off. With three young children to support it was nearly impossible in my mind. We fought with more frequency, over many things, but most often the fights were about him staying home and being part of our family. I wanted him to get a steady job with a secure paycheck. It was like he had hijacked MY dream of being an artist and had no dreams of his own. We used to argue over who's idea it was to start the art business in the first place! This had been my dream long before I met him!

At this point, freedom from the oppression of my husband was just a fantasy. I continued to draw subjects "suggested" by my husband, because "they would sell". We struggled to make ends meet while he continued to travel around the southwest, living in hotels and eating in restaurants. Meanwhile, back home, the boys and I lived on bean burritos and ramen noodles and whatever they gave us at the food bank.

To read previous years of my Art Story, follow these links;
1991, and 1992

Next up, 1994.

Happy New Year!

Another New Year has come and gone and here I sit more ready than ever to get back to work. I know I mentioned getting in here during my break to finish up my art story, but I convinced myself that taking time off would do me good. Boy, was I right! It was not easy to do, being a work-aholic, but I am so glad I did! I feel refreshed and rested and ready to take on the year.

I will continue my art story this week, but my first order of business is to get my office cleaned up and files reorganized. Tomorrow I go back to the shop and back to creating; painting, etc.

I will also put up listings on Ebay this week for a clearance sale of all the Paula Beck prints. One of my goals for this year is to get past the past and sell off the remaining Beck prints. My art story is part of this goal, as I need to get the story out of my head. So from now on, when someone asks questions about it, I can direct them to my blog instead of having to tell the whole story over and over again. While I realize that it is interesting to others, to me it is the past and at times it was a very painful past. What I need is to put it behind me so I can move on with the future.

I will return soon to complete the story, until then, Happy New Year!

Christmas Eve

The busy Christmas season is almost over. I had my last day at the shop yesterday. We are closing the shop from 12/24 - 1/4 so we can finally enjoy some time off and relax a little. We also plan to do some remodeling during that time. I have even put my Ebay store on vacation settings. After all the hustle and bustle, today is house cleaning day! We have been so busy, we still don't have the house back together after Bryan's move back and the subsequent rearranging of the entire house that followed! Today is the day to reclaim the house!

I had hoped to get Christmas cards out by now, but since I never did have the time, I've decided to send out Happy New Year cards. We still have to take our annual family photo in front of the fireplace, probably today. This will be the first year in a couple that all three boys will be together for Christmas at our house! THAT makes me very happy, doesn't even matter what else happens, only that they will all be here!

My brother and his wife are coming up on Monday for the day. It will be good to see them. We won't see my dad this year until after New Years, he is going back east for Christmas. Better him than me, too much snow back there! We are supposed to have a 60 degree day on Christmas!

I guess that's it for now, I hope to write more later in my vacation. Perhaps I'll continue on with my art story. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!!!

Happy Holidays!

It's that time of year again! There never seems to be enough time to get everything done. I like to complain about time or the shortage of it I've noticed! I wish I could clone myself! Then someone else could perform all the daily mundane tasks that I hate so much. We did finally get our Christmas tree up last week, but I still have to wrap the presents to put under it. Then there are the dishes and housecleaning that keeps piling up on me.

Fortunately, I did finally get some painting time in this week, may even finish a painting by the end of today. I am revisiting the rock landscape series. It has been too long since I worked on them. I love my rocks! People must think I'm nuts! I have my grandmother to thank for the love of rocks. She started me collecting them when I was only 5 or 6 years old.

In other news, my eldest son is moving back in with us! I must admit I am much happier about this than I first thought I might be. He is 19, almost 20 and he spent the last 5 months in his own apartment doing quite well if I say so myself! Until last week when he lost his job. He's going back to school in January, so he's coming home! It was 3 years to the day that he left to live with his dad in Arkansas! It is nice this time though, because he has done A LOT of growing up since then. Another plus, he's already found a new job.

So it's shaping up to be a great Christmas with all three of my boys being here with us! In case I don't get back here before then, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!